Well I totally forgot about this blog thing for a whileeeeee. It's been almost a week im sure. Well anyways, i do not feel good today again, so here i am to open up my BRAIN! lol It's the same reason and been one right?
I was just waiting for his text all day today but received none. I actually called him earlier, but he didn't even pick up. And then I check my facebook, and he is there on the chat section. Whether he was on his phone, or computer, he was able to see my missed call. But he doesn't even bother to call or text. Oh well. I feel like shit but not because he is not texting me or calling me. Just because I am so sick of men right now. They are all the frigging same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well before him, my exes were way better. I didn't think bar guys were like this. I am never gonna find any other guys from a bar anymore. All they want is SEX.
Do you know why i think that? because whenever we meet and have fun, we always end up doing it. I don't hang out with him to do it. I do it because he wants to do it and i just can't say no to him....I'm afraid he'll leave me.... See? How stupid do I sound right now? ughh i'm just glad nobody's gonna read this.
Anyways, so every guys i met and talked from the bars and clubs, they all wanted sex. That's it. They are not relationship type and not trustworthy. Well, what did I expect, right?
I shouldn't even have started this party life. I should have just kept my wild-self inside and never should have came outta my cage. Now that I have tasted this, I cannot go back.. I will eventually... one day... but for now, i just wanna go have fun and drink since me and him are not working out well. IF we ever do get together, as a bf and gf, then I can devote myself to him forever. I could never cheat on him. Well they say never say never right? but I just couldn't do that. I wouldn't even go out to clubs and bars without him. What is the point of going out there alone if you are not looking for a guy right? But anywasssssssssssssss we are never gonna get together. So F this.
The other day, one of his friend asked us when are we ever gonna start going out. I LOVED that question and I loved that his friend asked that. Thank you! lol but the funny part is that we both didn't answer. We just kept quiet. Since I know he doesn't want to, and he knows I would do anything to get with him, I didn't wanna pressure him so I didn't say anything. I wanted to say "It depends on the person who does not want to get into relationships" and point at him. But I didn't want to put him on the spot. I just regret that we both didn't say anythng.
See? he does so many things that would hurt me, but I still am hungover him. Why am i so stupid? I think girls just fall too fast and easily. I am not this type of girl. I never fell this fast and hungover someone like this.
Maybe I'm just too lonely... I just need someone to be there for me and be with me and share me with me. LOL But I been thinking about why I like him so much and came to a conclusion that I kind of pity him... Not sure if this is the right word to use.. But I really do want to be there for him. He is so hungover his ex and he was just too in love with her and I can tell. I really can feel it. Literally. I don't know if I would let him go smiling, if they ever do get back (just saying), but I definitely want to be the one to go through this with him. I want to be the one who is beside him through all this. And he can't even let me help him. I get it, you don't want to be in a relationship, but pushing me away like this doesn't help anything at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wanna scream! ugh.
I just miss him. I want to hear his voice and just BE with him. It's funny how whenever we are together, we barely get to talk, and then when we are separate, i think of so many things i wanna ask him and talk to him about. It just drives me crazy. Whenever I'm near him, I get stuck and just feel dumb. I make mistakes, and get so shy! I am not that shy...... ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hate it! I wish he was mine, so I can text him whenever and call whenever :)
Anyways, enough about my "never will come true" wish. I just have to sleep through this every night until he leaves. This is my second night staying up late. I hate this feeling :*(
Somebody just shoot me.
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