So today, I texted him asking what he was doing, after two days of not writing or contacting him. Neither did he. And after few hours, he says "going to volume". A club. He did not tell me anything about coming down to Seattle and partying up here. Well I kinda knew he was up in Seattle even yesterday, Saturday, because he hadn't contact me. I just knew it. So I just gave away my pride on waiting on guys to text me and texted him today myself. Even after receiving that message, I decided to not to reply him and just straight go to Volume. I just wanted to see him..... I was so nervous and debating about if I should go or not. But i did anyway. When I was dancing, he came up to me and just hugged and danced for 30 seconds, and left out to smoke. He just didn't .... seem... right. Soooo "hundii". And the whooooooooole time, he was standing back with his friends and watching people dance. I just danced, danced, danced, and danced. Kind of hoping he would come and grab my hand but I knew he wouldn't. So I just tried to act normal and danced! But my mind was all on him and thinking about where he would be or if he is watching me or not. I just wanted to be CRAZY and dance all night! I just couldn't handle the feeling i was getting. I just missed him so much. He also said I could dance with guys, when I was pushing everyone who came up to me to dance. Well I didn't want to, ok? sheeesh. How am I gonna dance with them when he is there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the club ended, and I went out acting as if I'm not looking for him but I was. Deff! But he had already left....Without even telling me.... It was ok till then. Because I was expecting that, too. But then there comes the message from him saying " It was nice seeing you tonight ajuma :)" Wow. Just broke my heart. Straight into ten thousand pieces. My friend was talking about her ex outside of the club, but I could barely hear a thing she was saying... All I could think about was that text. That's all he could say to me. After all this time....... REALLY? Nice seeing you??????
So then I got his point. He doesn't want this anymore. He just ended it tonight. Completely. Well.... what do i think about it? good and bad. I cried all night.. In my car, on my bed, while writing this. I, somehow, don't blame him for doing this though. I get it. He is hungover still and he is having a hard time, and such a busy man and doesn't need relationship. Thus, I won't blame him. I don't. I'm just crying cuz................well............ I'm sad.. I feel like some part of me had gotten cut away or something. I feel like I lost someone very precious to me. I feel verrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy sad.... That is why i'm crying... I think... I don't even know... I just wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just killing me inside... I can't even breath right. When I think about the future, like tomorrow, the day after, and the day after, I can't imagine living with this feeling.... Hope time will heal everything.... I just want to get out of this bs. I want to start thinking and worrying about something else.
Oh and top of this, my boss got mad at me today for not being at work. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH double negative feeling is just killing me. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH i feel like he will fire me someday :(
Anyways, I can't sleep.... Well I haven't try doing that yet but energy drink is killing me. My heart beating so fast and I have energy!!!!!!!! how am I gonna wake up tomorrow :*( gotta go to school, bank, work! ughhhh just shoot me. Seriously. But I ain't ready for death, yet.
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